Peace and tranquility returns.

Having been pretty lazy over the past few days, I thought I should get off my rear end and tell you about the best bits of the weekend.

The first guests arrived on Thursday morning. My nephew Andy and his filthy mate Phil. Now you know someones going to be good on the guitar when they turn up at a strangers house and advertise the fact that they've packed it. For Phil though, good is the understatement of the century and, if Gooners vocals had been vaguely in tune, the band would have kept the party alive all weekend. Thursday night, we watched beer league and downed a few coffees, the new code name for beer. During the film we kept Andy behind bars just to protect the innocent people.

Friday saw guests arriving throughout the day. We were blessed for the weekend as Jesus and his wife pulled up along with their mobile obstetrician. Big Kirsty had just graduated from Gazelle school and managed to out run everything on the field, even the dogs. Dave played the whole weekend on an injury he got earlier in the week whilst trekking in the Himalayas and Zoe taught us all about the various types of topiary she is witness to in her day to day work.

We would appreciate it next year though if Zoe and Kirsty would stop swapping names during the weekend as we all found it a little confusing.

Did I ever mentioned that I love Lucy? It seems I'm not the only one as Jane is contemplating her sexuality now. I've never seen a 6'7" man get out of a mini, and I didn't see it this weekend either as I was busy mowing the diamond. I did see him get back in though, but only with the roof down. Lucy had unfortunately left her clowns outfit at home but proceeded to entertain all of the children, and adults for the entire weekend. Lucy also has a washing up fetish so she was in heaven by my sink every time I turned round.

It might be a good time to point out that my pigs are Vietnamese and not French as had been implied.

Keith, Sue, Emma and French Escort were next to arrive. I new Christmas had come early because Keith had grown a beard. It was however too hot for the outfit and his big sack. That sounds all wrong LOL. For those who don't know LOL means Lots Of Love as Sue taught me. Fran came fully equipped with a brand new pair of wellies which she wore once and left behind. In fact Fran left most things behind including her blanket, her brandy, her cheese, etc. etc. etc. I blame Keith and Sue for rushing her out of the house in the morning.

Jane and I were the grateful recipients of numerous presents that will help us progress with our ongoing works and allow us to accomodate more people next time. Emma was tasked with being DJ for the afternoon for which she did an outstanding job.

Chris, Erin, Gooner and Trish arrived next. Thankfully Trish had remembered to bring plenty of H2O which she drank merrily on Sunday night after slightly overdosing on red wine. Gooner cackled her way through the weekend but went in to hiding after someone mentioned about her spending six and a half minutes on stage having her bum spanked in front of 200 people. I have never had that happen to me, drink girl. For Chris and Erin it was like coming home again as they returned from 2 weeks back in the UK. Although Erin caught a ball with her face on Sunday, I feel that the greater injuries were acquired by Doctor Davis during a 6 mile night hike.

Saturday morning saw the overnight ferry crown turn up at the crack of dawn. Dressed only in my dressing gown I greeted Gordy, Emma and Charlotte. Gordy was convinced he had bought everything in the bakers and it was great to eat a warm pain au chocolatte first thing in the morning. Emma AKA Doctor Davis, our responsible adult for the weekend, demonstrated that even doctors know how to drink. This said, they don't know how many fingers they have. The morning after the night before however she did a very good impersonation of Robin Hood making us boys look lame at the target shooting. Charlotte was our lamb for the slaughter coming to a strange place with strange people but by Sunday night we had led her into our way of drinking. Perhaps a little too far. Dare I metion the term "tactical chunder" ?????

Mike and his mate Jay were the last to turn up after stopping off for a pint on Friday night. After a dozen or so they decided to book into the hotel they were drinking in and finally arrived just before the first game Sunday. We had a small world moment with Jay as it turns out he knew our nearest English neighbours and used to stay with them a few years back. Mike decided to attempt that old French favourite on Sunday night of the "menage et trois" but in my mind the girls were in no fit state to count to trois. Sorry Mike.

I say Mike and Jay were the last but actually Gregg holds that record, missing the first game in it's entirity and also sloping off with my wife during another game. All said and done though he did down nearly 2 pints of red wine in an hour.

I thought I'd leave Steve, Laura and Maddi until last, even though they arrived first. This is because Sue had mis-placed Steve on a couple of occasions over the weekend, making him feel very left out and un loved. Depressingly Thermo-man did not make an apeearance this weekend but there is always next year. Steve and Laura have to be my absolute dream house guests, not only bringing all the materials to put some heating in the gite, but also helping to do the work. Laura, my washer woman, made more beds this weekend than in a normal year and Steve just kept lighting fires. Thankyou sooooo soooo much guys.

We were also joined for dinner by our friends Dave and Chrissy, AKA the one in the wheel chair. Thanks for the Calva guys, it went down really well unlike Chrissy when she fell off our horse. Hence the wheel chair.

Chris and Jill joined us Sunday night for the paella and I'm sure second to Gregg, Jill drank the most times. Thanks for the chocolate cake guys it was scrummy.

All in all, a great weekend was had thanks to everyone. But I must thank Jane most of all because she puts up with me and supports me through all of it. Who could ask for a better wife?